dystatic's Journal

timmy cat is not a lap cat
he does not curl up and cuddle or anything like that
but usually you can pick him up and give him a hug for a few seconds and then he starts to squirm and you let him go
well, yesterday i picked him up and was holding him for a little bit and he turns around and bites me
not a playful bite, not even a normal amount of mean bite, but the hardest he has ever bitten me before
hard enough to break through the skin
and with no warning, he was just sitting there and i was petting him and then CHOMP.
i was not happy with him at all.

tomorrow i have to go to the dentist
i actually had a dr.s appointment scheduled for wed. too but i called and changed it
i could have done both and might have if the doctors appointment was first
but i dont want to get all frozen and then go see the shrink
i am not really looking forward to seeing the dentist
i have a bunch of work that needs to be done
i know of 5 teeth that need something done with them, ranging from a filling to a possible root canal to an extraction
i think i am scheduled for 2 hours tomorrow, so hopefully we can get a lot done

i am going to go eat some watermelon

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHH!!~

went to watch fireworks last night
quite the display
and lasted over 20min
they would have been amazing if if i would have been downtown instead of just by the river not so far from my place
i like fireworks. lots.

someone stole my zucchini!~

i am quite annoyed. i had planned on making quesadillas with grilled zucchini & red peppers & stuff, but i went to get out the veggies from the fridge and there was no zucchini! arg.
if someone took it, or threw it out if it had gone bad for some reason would have told me, i could have got a new one yesterday when i was at the grocery store, but no.
blah.
oh well.
i did however make a nice fruit salad for tonight. with plum & peach & apple & orange & strawberry & blueberry
it should be good.

well, i must say my gut hurts
my sisters husband is playing downtown tonight for the works festival
i decided not to go because i am antisocial, but its a good thing cause i started to feel sick later on and that would not have been fun if i was there
i havent been up to too much
on saturday i went to my sisters house for a bbq thing, there was lots of people, i tried to stay out of the sun and avoid them
ian had made a slide show type thing with pictures that he had taken on their trip
stuff in china & south africa, he had trimmed it down to just over 400 pictures
but it was very neat to see
lou bought me this stamp thing in china that supposedly is my name
it is pretty neat & i like it
she also gave me this little zebra mask
i am actually half motivated to do things lately
to clean my house (until i look at it, then i kind of panic)
it would be nice to have a clear floor & table
to go aquasizing again, yay~!
i want to go to eastglen though, and the thing is is that their change rooms are under the pool
so you have to go up and down flights of stairs
i am still a bit uneasy going down stairs
i do believe they have a change room on the main floor that i could probably use
i dont know if it has a shower though?
there is a shower by the hottub that i could use to rinse off and everything, but i dont think i could use soap to wash my hair in it or anything like that
i am in a weird mood though
i still feel a bit off
but it kind of feels like there is a whole bunch of things & ideas & i dont know
but its like they are all just out of reach
like they are on the tip of my tongue
i can just see them vaguely but cant grasp them
i think for now i just have to sit back and hope they come to me.

i went to canadian tire with mom & dad
they had a few things in their garden center left
i ended up finding some little pots of lemon balm for 69c so i bought a few
i love lemon balm and the plants were nice and healthy too
i think i will plant them in a pot on the deck
i also now have canadian tire money!~ yay!~

i am still feeling crappy
we bought cinnamon buns the other day and i decided to have one for breakfast today
i sad down to eat it and my dad snapped at me with a 'i should eat something better' comment
i got mad saying, why cant i have one? its not like i am eating 20 of them, this is the only one i have had and will have, whats the difference if i eat it for breakfast or later in the day or after supper or whenever? ...he just has to pick at me.
i have been feeling like crying at the slightest thing
and very quick to get angry
yelling screaming feeling like bashing someone over the head with a shovel angry
well, maybe not that bad...
but i looked at the calendar and it very well may be pms
i am hoping to god it is pms
because then if i get my period this horror will be over
my cycle is SO irregular though
i have only had one period this year, 5 months & then again in 4 weeks?
can my body be so kind to me?
i can be hopeful.

meanwhile,
i made spinach & artichoke dip yesterday
i think i will go eat some of that and put my feet up
i have been having trouble with my feet swelling up lately
blah. but i have also been forgetting to put my tensor on when i go out
luckily i did today and my foot/leg feels so much better

oh, life.

not a good day
yelling outside
and crying

twitter = downfall of society

it has been getting hot out lately
not super hot, but summer is coming/here hot
we havent had enough rain so the grass is not as green as it should be
i could use a really good thunder storm, i like them
i went and renewed my PO Box today
i really want/need to get back into making/sending things again
i have been in an artistic drought for so long
i really need to clean my house & clear my table so i have working space
i think that might help
of course i have been saying this for months and not doing it
timmy cat just jumped up beside me
he has been enjoying sprawling out on the bed and taking in the heat
overall i guess things have been ok
my leg hurts a bit at times, i wear a tenser bandage when i go out
i had bought a ankle support at dollarama the other day
i tried it once and was not super impressed, but hey, it was $1.50
i have ordered a better one
i think it should get here in a week or 2
i have a foam one somewhere that i used years ago when i damaged my right ankle
i need it to use for aquasizing
i also need to find my bathing suit and all that stuff
it was at my folks house, but now it is not?
i think i want potatoes.

hello world.
i am feeling a bit better today
i think that my icky mood was a result of a rather nasty infection
and as that is clearing up i am starting to feel less icky
yesterday i had a drB appointment, that went well, but he is odd
we were talking and there was a lull in the conversation and he said something or did something as if to end the session
so i said ok or whatever
and then he said, well, you dont have to go if you dont want to, its not like i am kicking you out
???
we were not talking about anything important anyway, airplanes or something
i left because my mom & dad were waiting for me
me & dad stopped at the farmers market yesterday, it is a local one that is very small
i got some kettle corn & little cucumbers
i had wanted to get some dip but it was $6.50 for a little container and it just didnt seem worth it, i probably should have got it anyway, oh well
today has been fairly uneventful
i went for a ride with mom & dad while he delivered some stuff for my mom
we stopped at sobeys to get hotdogs... i got carrots
i got an email from my sister
apparently she got quite sick somewhere along on her flight from africa to london
she said she got iv fluids and a shot of something (which did not help)
i think she said she was doing a bit better at the time she sent the actual email
hopefully she is feeling better and will not get sick on the flight home
(she got sick on the flight from here to china too)
they get home friday, so soon!~
i think i am going to go with my dad to the airport to pick them up.
i also think i need to eat something cause i am feeling a bit off.

i havent posted in awhile
cause, well, i dont know what to say
and its not like anyone cares anyway
wah wah wah
my mom is doing ok-ish
-takes time to recover from major surgery
i am feeling ...fine. i think i am suffering from post period blues
that would explain it.
i think lou gets home next week (or the week after)
i am looking forward to that
i am going to go look through fliers and make a grocery list.

yikes.
so, sunday my aunty came over and we ended up calling the doctor about my mom
he didnt think it was to do with the morphine, thought maybe an infection? and that she should go back to the hospital
we called the ward that she was staying in and they suggested she go back to the er as well
so, that evening we went to the er, we were there around 7:30
it took a little under 3 hours until mom finally got a bed in the er
which was good because she didnt think she could sit much longer
they ordered tests (blood, urine, ecg, xray, etc...) and put an iv in
nurses and doctors came in periodically and talked to her and poked at her
one thing they did find pretty soon was that she was low in potassium
so they gave her some potassium pills and 2 iv bags of it
[looking online and talking to drB, i think this is probably the major cause of her psych symptoms]
at around 7am on monday i was not feeling great so i had my dad take me home
i had not had supper before we left and all i had there were a couple cans of coke and a bag of doritos
i had also missed my evening pills & the chairs were not very comfortable
spending 12 hours in the er is not the funnest thing
back at home i finally got a chance to take my tensor bandage off my foot/leg, i hadnt paid much attention to it previously, and my ankle was really swollen, eek.
i went to sleep
mom & dad were back at the hospital for another several hours
in the end they sent her home with some new pain meds and a home care nurse is coming by every day to check/clean her cuts just to make sure everything is ok
she is doing a lot better
her main complaint before was all the psych stuff, she was quite out of it
and even by the time i left she was seeming a lot better, getting a bit of sleep and i think the potassium helped a lot
my poor mom, she doesnt deserve all this.

mom came home yesterday~!
but today she is not doing well
she wonders if she should go back to the hospital
i think her main problem is that she is having a nasty reaction to being off morphine
she has feelings of going in and out of reality at times
plus she is in pain & they never gave her anything for it
(but usually the only thing they give is T3s and she cant take codeine so out of luck there anyway)
she said she cant sleep, but she is sleeping now, so that is good
but she is worried that she will stop breathing while she sleeps
her temperature is a bit high
i think these next few days are going to be a bit rough
hopefully that is all it is though
~

~i went for my final physio appointment today
yay!~
i did some stairs, some balance work & talked a bit
she gave me some papers with exercises on them and sent me on my way

~i went to visit mom
she wasnt doing so well today, in pain & nausea
poor mommy

~i fell asleep on the couch and got all disoriented earlier
i dont like when that happens

~i was reading a local paper and there was an add for some noodle place
they stated that they had a "vegetarian option"
it said what was in it and it contained oyster sauce
um... what? i hate when they do that.

~i made garlic croutons earlier
i am going to eat a big bowl of salad
& a piece of strawberry shortcake my mom got in her meal tray at the hospital that she didnt want
some of the deserts they have at the hospital are really yummy!~

so far so good.
i finally got around to phoning people for appointments
i made my last physio appointment (unless i want to pay $60 a vist)
an appointment with drB2, who i was supposed to see in Feb.
and i called the dentist but their computer was down or something so i have to call back tomorrow
we went to visit mom, she is doing good
she will probably be coming home monday? maybe friday but hopefully monday, better later than too soon.
lou called while we were there so she got a chance to talk to her
lou is feeling better so that is good. she got sick on the flight. being sick in china is no good. i think she said she leaves from shanghai to bejing tomorrow!~
i went grocery shopping after, got a whole bunch of stuff to eat, yay.
cheetos were on sale!~
i think i will make some potatoes tonight & eat lots of veggies.
my headache is going away.

hmm...
i got an email from my cousin
and i am really not impressed
and i feel bad about this, like i am being shallow
the email wasnt very long and said a little bit of what she did this weekend but was mostly to announce the fact that they (her husband and her) got a new bike
..ok, good, yeah..
what i am not impressed with is how .. ...sigh.
we used to be friends and i dont feel that anymore and it kinda hurts
this email was not conversational at all
it was totally one sided
it didnt even include a rhetorical 'how are you?'
...
i just dont have any friends
and i hate to lose the few relationships i do have because they mean a lot to me

arg.
i was eating a toffee earlier today and one of my teeth came out
it was actually one of the ones that had a root canal done before
so almost the whole tooth was a filling and that is what came out
i hope it can be easily fixed?
so i am going to have to call the dentist on tuesday
several weeks ago i had an infected tooth that broke off at about the gum line
(it is 2 teeth away from the filling that came out)
and i still havent called the dentist about that one
i need either a root canal or it needs to be pulled
arg.
this is 2 large teeth on the bottom right that are practically gone
i dont want to deal with this
i feel so out of it lately
i am stiff and sore and cant think properly
i am trying to push myself to do things ...like walk...
i just wish i could sleep for a week or ten.

mom had surgery today
they did a whole bunch of stuff
she is in good spirits
i on the other hand am going to complain, i have felt icky for days
my heart burn/bile reflux has been acting up
i am tensed up which makes me feel all stiff and sore
my insides are not happy.
blah.

i also tried going out without my boot for the first time today
i just went to the hospital and to save on foods for a bit
it didnt hurt too too much, just a bit
but when i got home and took my shoe & tensor off my ankle was all swollen
ick.

i guess my mom is scheduled to go for surgery tomorrow
thing is, they dont really know what they are going to do
its kind of a 'we will see once we open you up' sort of thing
~~~~
she seems to be doing ok though
she was in a lot of pain before, so the pain meds are helping with that
just hoping the surgery goes well
positive thoughts & prayers are appreciated

blarg.
my sister just called to see how things are going so i ~had~ to tell her that mom is in the hospital. of course now she feels bad and worried and not so good about her trip (she has a tendency to over-worry). i guess i could have lied? i am just not good at that, i am a horrible liar. i told her mom will be ok, that they are doing tests and will figure out what is going on. she is going to call dad, hopefully he will have some positive news for us. i just feel bad.

~sigh~
my dad took my mom to the hospital earlier
she has been not well since sunday
she had an appointment tomorrow, but i guess she called the doctor earlier today and he said she should go straight to the hospital and he would call ahead and make arrangements
she has a bed in emergency and has been hooked up and given pain meds (i hope this is helping her) and being sent for a bunch of tests
the last i heard from dad was that they were waiting for the surgeon to come look at the results and see what is going on
it is something to do with her bowels, possibly scar tissue from her last surgery, possibly some other things. for a second the cancer is back popped into my mind but it cant be that.
i am just waiting to hear back from my dad
i am glad my dad is home.
he just got back yesterday, so, that is good.
i had physio earlier today
my leg is getting stronger, the therapist said i shouldnt need to use the boot anymore
and i hardly use it, only when going out and just because i am a little bit uncertain of stairs and uneven surfaces still
in my mind i had decided that i would only wear it till the end of the month anyway
i only have one more appointment with physio left, after that it is no longer covered and i think it is $60 a visit...
i dont know if i will keep on going or not? probably not every week anyway.
i had wanted to go to the book store today to get a Chinese phrase book for my sister
she is leaving on her big honeymoon trip on friday
they will be gone for a month and are going to china & south africa & london
things come up though i guess
sometimes i hate the way life turns out
i would much rather go to the book store than have my mom sick
i myself feel icky. i have for a few days actually. blah.
i think i will order pizza later.

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